1 00:00:00,870 --> 00:00:02,092 - hot in cleveland Is recorded 2 00:00:02,115 --> 00:00:04,742 In front Of a live studio audience. 3 00:00:04,765 --> 00:00:07,649 - all right, then. Bye. 4 00:00:07,672 --> 00:00:09,182 I'm not Gonna say it. 5 00:00:09,205 --> 00:00:11,194 I don't want To say it. 6 00:00:11,217 --> 00:00:12,982 You are such An old woman. 7 00:00:13,005 --> 00:00:15,760 Fine. I love you too. 8 00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:16,942 - your mother? 9 00:00:16,965 --> 00:00:19,752 - my fake fiance. 10 00:00:19,775 --> 00:00:21,540 We're meeting The immigration lawyer, 11 00:00:21,562 --> 00:00:23,456 And rick's insisting We act like a real couple. 12 00:00:23,479 --> 00:00:25,660 I mean, do people really say, "I love you" that much? 13 00:00:25,683 --> 00:00:28,087 It's gross. 14 00:00:28,110 --> 00:00:29,843 No word from your Jailed accountant? 15 00:00:29,866 --> 00:00:31,631 - no, my assets Are still frozen. 16 00:00:31,654 --> 00:00:33,740 I am Officially broke. 17 00:00:33,762 --> 00:00:35,591 - oh, now, You still have your health 18 00:00:35,614 --> 00:00:37,061 And the love Of your friends. 19 00:00:37,083 --> 00:00:40,381 - I can't even laugh at Your dark english humor anymore. 20 00:00:40,404 --> 00:00:42,074 But that's okay, Because I have a plan. 21 00:00:42,097 --> 00:00:43,032 - hmm. 22 00:00:43,055 --> 00:00:47,503 Ohiosugardaddies.Com. 23 00:00:47,526 --> 00:00:49,610 Rich older men looking For younger women. 24 00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:52,772 Which one are you? 25 00:00:52,795 --> 00:00:54,496 - for your information, I signed up. 26 00:00:54,519 --> 00:00:56,508 I sent in a picture And everything. 27 00:00:56,531 --> 00:00:59,893 - this is your Head shot from 1981. 28 00:00:59,916 --> 00:01:01,362 "Special skills... 29 00:01:01,385 --> 00:01:04,938 Weapons, fluent in japanese, Ventriloquism"? 30 00:01:04,962 --> 00:01:06,408 Ventriloquism? 31 00:01:06,431 --> 00:01:09,271 - help! I'm stuck in the refrigerator. 32 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,104 - need a refill? 33 00:01:14,127 --> 00:01:17,873 - oh, you've got That right, skeletor. 34 00:01:17,896 --> 00:01:20,747 - what are you doing? 35 00:01:20,770 --> 00:01:22,885 - getting drunk. 36 00:01:22,909 --> 00:01:25,536 It's the only way I'm going to get over max. 37 00:01:25,558 --> 00:01:27,804 - oh, it's so sad That you two broke up. 38 00:01:27,827 --> 00:01:29,272 - she had to. 39 00:01:29,295 --> 00:01:33,393 She's under indictment, and Max's son is running for office. 40 00:01:33,415 --> 00:01:36,745 - I'll be fine After a 24-hour bender. 41 00:01:36,768 --> 00:01:39,044 Benders fix everything... 42 00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:42,366 Except quitting alcohol. 43 00:01:42,388 --> 00:01:44,889 - so how far in Are you? 44 00:01:44,911 --> 00:01:48,208 - uh... 45 00:01:48,231 --> 00:01:49,646 Uh... 46 00:01:49,669 --> 00:01:51,850 Eight hours... 47 00:01:51,872 --> 00:01:53,224 Maybe 20. 48 00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:56,959 My watch might be Upside down. 49 00:01:56,982 --> 00:01:58,652 - you don't sound drunk. 50 00:01:58,675 --> 00:02:00,344 - I'm stinko. 51 00:02:00,367 --> 00:02:03,185 You can tell 'cause My edit button's turned off. 52 00:02:03,209 --> 00:02:05,901 - you have an edit button? - you tell me. 53 00:02:05,924 --> 00:02:10,627 What's dumb, flat, and Needs to shave her mustache? 54 00:02:10,650 --> 00:02:13,789 Spoiler alert... It's you. 55 00:02:13,812 --> 00:02:16,919 - I'll be damned. 56 00:02:16,942 --> 00:02:18,420 - hey, morning, guys. 57 00:02:18,442 --> 00:02:20,751 Um, listen, you know I hate To ask for favors, 58 00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,156 Although I don't mind Being asked, 59 00:02:22,179 --> 00:02:24,423 Because help is a gift I can always afford to give. 60 00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:28,511 But, anyway, um, pete's Family reunion is this evening, 61 00:02:28,534 --> 00:02:30,010 And since I'm going to be Meeting his mom 62 00:02:30,033 --> 00:02:32,150 For the very first time, I could use my family there. 63 00:02:32,174 --> 00:02:33,332 That's you guys. 64 00:02:33,355 --> 00:02:37,547 - ugh, boring! 65 00:02:37,570 --> 00:02:39,176 - oh... 66 00:02:39,199 --> 00:02:41,987 Poor thing, she's taking this Max breakup pretty hard, huh? 67 00:02:42,010 --> 00:02:43,295 But you guys Will be there, right? 68 00:02:43,318 --> 00:02:45,404 Please? - oh, fine. I'll go. 69 00:02:45,427 --> 00:02:46,936 It will help me Get my green card 70 00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:48,564 If rick and I are seen out As a couple. 71 00:02:48,587 --> 00:02:51,087 - and I might make it If I can find a date. 72 00:02:52,867 --> 00:02:54,185 - ooh! 73 00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:56,612 I got a bite. 74 00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:58,144 - she's trying to meet An old rich guy. 75 00:02:58,167 --> 00:03:01,466 - not trying, my friends, Succeeding. 76 00:03:01,489 --> 00:03:02,520 - what's he look like? 77 00:03:02,543 --> 00:03:04,373 - look like? Oh, don't be shallow. 78 00:03:04,396 --> 00:03:06,607 He's a billionaire! 79 00:03:06,630 --> 00:03:08,651 I accept. 80 00:03:16,881 --> 00:03:21,649 ♪ ♪ 81 00:03:24,418 --> 00:03:25,927 - look... 82 00:03:25,950 --> 00:03:28,674 I know this is awkward, But I really am grateful. 83 00:03:28,698 --> 00:03:30,302 - oh, it works For both of us. 84 00:03:30,325 --> 00:03:31,771 You get Your green card, 85 00:03:31,794 --> 00:03:36,273 And I get the aura Of an alpha predator... 86 00:03:36,296 --> 00:03:40,425 Who deserves... Nay, who takes An alpha female. 87 00:03:40,448 --> 00:03:43,363 - you really think being with me Is going to get you girls? 88 00:03:43,386 --> 00:03:44,895 - exhibit "A"... 89 00:03:44,918 --> 00:03:48,282 The picture that I've been Showing around town of us. 90 00:03:48,305 --> 00:03:51,475 And exhibit "B"... The phone numbers of the women 91 00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:54,126 Whose shoulders I will, As soon as we have broken up, 92 00:03:54,148 --> 00:03:56,839 Moisten with my tears. 93 00:03:56,862 --> 00:03:59,521 I've also been showing around The ring that I got you. 94 00:03:59,544 --> 00:04:01,373 - oh, my goodness. It's huge. 95 00:04:01,396 --> 00:04:04,429 - let's hope that's not the last Time I hear you say that. 96 00:04:07,656 --> 00:04:09,230 Looks real, doesn't it? 97 00:04:09,253 --> 00:04:10,731 It, uh, also helps answer The question 98 00:04:10,754 --> 00:04:11,944 Of "What's she doing with him?" 99 00:04:11,967 --> 00:04:13,509 Mm. 100 00:04:13,532 --> 00:04:16,096 Oh, just remember, Stick to the script... 101 00:04:16,119 --> 00:04:18,044 Where we met, families, Morning routines, 102 00:04:18,068 --> 00:04:19,225 No additions. 103 00:04:19,248 --> 00:04:20,567 - oh, you will sneak In a mention 104 00:04:20,590 --> 00:04:24,303 Of my masterful Early-morning lovemaking? 105 00:04:24,326 --> 00:04:27,559 - green card, green card, Green card, green card. 106 00:04:27,582 --> 00:04:29,955 - hi, I'm ellen szymborska, Pete's cousin. 107 00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:32,222 - hi, I'm joy. Thanks again for coming. 108 00:04:32,246 --> 00:04:33,916 I know what A big favor this is. 109 00:04:33,938 --> 00:04:34,937 - greetings, my lady. 110 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:36,310 I don't mean To embarrass you, 111 00:04:36,333 --> 00:04:39,280 But you are much too pretty To be an immigration lawyer. 112 00:04:39,303 --> 00:04:40,589 Oh! 113 00:04:40,612 --> 00:04:43,549 Isn't she? Show the ring. 114 00:04:47,574 --> 00:04:50,362 - okay, I think that's it For the preliminary paperwork. 115 00:04:50,385 --> 00:04:52,692 - good job, ellen. - thank you, rick. 116 00:04:52,715 --> 00:04:54,001 But this is The easy part. 117 00:04:54,025 --> 00:04:55,183 You still have to see I.N.S., 118 00:04:55,206 --> 00:04:56,684 And they are going To grill you to prove 119 00:04:56,707 --> 00:04:57,962 That joy's not marrying you For a green card. 120 00:04:57,984 --> 00:04:59,813 - oh! - as if! 121 00:04:59,837 --> 00:05:01,441 I love this guy... 122 00:05:01,464 --> 00:05:04,571 So much. 123 00:05:04,594 --> 00:05:06,765 - and I love you So much, baby. 124 00:05:16,410 --> 00:05:18,623 - so how did You two meet, anyway? 125 00:05:18,646 --> 00:05:21,081 - oh, I can tell you exactly... - I wanna tell, baby. 126 00:05:21,105 --> 00:05:24,466 Sometimes I tack a sheet On the side of my garage 127 00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:27,659 And hold an outdoor movie night For the neighbor kids. 128 00:05:27,682 --> 00:05:28,904 - oh! - mm-hmm. 129 00:05:28,928 --> 00:05:30,247 - that's not How it happened... 130 00:05:30,269 --> 00:05:31,842 - one night, I was showing dumbo, 131 00:05:31,866 --> 00:05:33,089 Which is my Favorite movie. 132 00:05:33,112 --> 00:05:35,707 - oh, I love dumbo. - of course. So moving. 133 00:05:35,730 --> 00:05:40,113 And, uh, joy came over to, uh, Complain about the noise. 134 00:05:40,136 --> 00:05:43,243 - no, no. - and I started crying, 135 00:05:43,266 --> 00:05:45,192 Not because she yelled at me, 136 00:05:45,215 --> 00:05:46,597 But because of the movie. 137 00:05:46,620 --> 00:05:48,577 - oh, how could anyone Not cry at dumbo? 138 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:50,716 - and for some reason, We just clicked. 139 00:05:50,739 --> 00:05:53,047 Me, the most sentimental, 140 00:05:53,071 --> 00:05:55,219 Disney-loving softy On the planet, 141 00:05:55,242 --> 00:05:59,274 And this angry hothead Who never cries. 142 00:05:59,297 --> 00:06:03,522 - oh, you. 143 00:06:03,544 --> 00:06:05,884 That's not exactly How it happened. 144 00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:07,066 - wow, that's, Like, the eighth time 145 00:06:07,090 --> 00:06:08,024 You've corrected him. 146 00:06:08,048 --> 00:06:09,622 - no. Is it? 147 00:06:09,644 --> 00:06:11,857 - yeah. 148 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:15,625 - I'm a bitch. - oh! 149 00:06:15,647 --> 00:06:17,285 - actually, I meant It's a good thing. 150 00:06:17,308 --> 00:06:18,882 We can always tell A fake couple 151 00:06:18,905 --> 00:06:20,415 Because their stories Are too consistent. 152 00:06:20,437 --> 00:06:22,873 - ah. - you're a lucky woman, joy. 153 00:06:22,896 --> 00:06:24,503 - especially early In the morning... 154 00:06:24,526 --> 00:06:26,195 I mean, before 6:00. 155 00:06:26,218 --> 00:06:27,473 - yes. 156 00:06:27,496 --> 00:06:29,740 We're all so lucky, really. 157 00:06:29,762 --> 00:06:33,093 - see you tonight At the party. 158 00:06:33,116 --> 00:06:35,360 I think I'm in love. 159 00:06:35,383 --> 00:06:38,522 - will you at least marry me Before you start cheating? 160 00:06:38,544 --> 00:06:39,915 - oh. 161 00:06:41,546 --> 00:06:43,312 - oh, she's gonna hate me. I know it. 162 00:06:43,334 --> 00:06:44,556 - honey, how could Anyone hate you? 163 00:06:44,579 --> 00:06:47,175 You'll be fine. Just be you. 164 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:48,581 Is that really What you're wearing? 165 00:06:48,604 --> 00:06:50,625 - what? - I'm teasing. 166 00:06:50,647 --> 00:06:51,934 - girls don't like teasing. 167 00:06:51,956 --> 00:06:53,691 It's worse Than sex in the morning. 168 00:06:53,713 --> 00:06:56,405 - hey, uncle ned. 169 00:06:56,428 --> 00:06:58,895 - eh... 170 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,907 - relax, mom Just wants to make sure 171 00:07:00,930 --> 00:07:03,238 You're not some Plastic hollywood floozy. 172 00:07:03,262 --> 00:07:04,932 - you're teasing again. 173 00:07:04,954 --> 00:07:06,176 - not really, no. 174 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:08,061 Mom's very old world. 175 00:07:08,084 --> 00:07:09,369 Like, She's still mad at me 176 00:07:09,392 --> 00:07:11,381 For dropping out of seminary To join the police force. 177 00:07:11,404 --> 00:07:13,936 - well, god's loss Is my gain. 178 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:15,491 - hmm. 179 00:07:19,197 --> 00:07:21,632 - disgusting! 180 00:07:21,655 --> 00:07:24,283 I thought you said she was not A california floozy. 181 00:07:24,306 --> 00:07:25,784 - mom, hi. 182 00:07:25,807 --> 00:07:29,169 - no, no, no, Not after that. 183 00:07:29,192 --> 00:07:33,448 - melanie, um, this Is my mother, agnieszka. 184 00:07:33,471 --> 00:07:37,120 - it's so nice To meet you. 185 00:07:37,144 --> 00:07:40,346 Agnieszka... That must be polish for agnes, 186 00:07:40,369 --> 00:07:42,900 like agnes morehead, the mean Mother-in-law on bewitched. 187 00:07:45,478 --> 00:07:48,425 Uh, not to say That you're mean... 188 00:07:48,448 --> 00:07:51,140 Or a witch. 189 00:07:51,163 --> 00:07:53,758 Did I say "Nice to meet you"? 190 00:07:53,781 --> 00:07:57,270 - she's talky And much older than I thought... 191 00:07:57,293 --> 00:07:59,315 And too skinny. 192 00:07:59,338 --> 00:08:02,816 - "Too skinny"? I like her. 193 00:08:06,075 --> 00:08:07,777 - divorced. 194 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,843 So you abandoned your duty To your husband. 195 00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:14,036 - well, actually, He was seeing other women. 196 00:08:14,059 --> 00:08:16,208 - so you are frigid. 197 00:08:16,231 --> 00:08:18,826 - no! No, ask pete. 198 00:08:18,849 --> 00:08:20,742 I mean, don't ask pete. 199 00:08:20,766 --> 00:08:22,563 How would he know? 200 00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:25,437 Oh, why am I pretending? No, I'm not frigid. 201 00:08:25,460 --> 00:08:26,650 I enjoy sex. 202 00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:28,598 Hello, again, father ned. 203 00:08:28,621 --> 00:08:30,758 Excuse me. 204 00:08:32,644 --> 00:08:34,537 - well, how's it going? 205 00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:36,518 - just as I expected... Your mom hates me. 206 00:08:36,541 --> 00:08:38,657 - don't take it personally. She's tough on everybody... 207 00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:40,317 Well, except My brother henry. 208 00:08:40,340 --> 00:08:42,904 He was always the favorite, And I was like secondhand pete. 209 00:08:42,927 --> 00:08:44,437 I got all His old clothes. 210 00:08:44,461 --> 00:08:46,385 Growing up, I thought Henry szymborska was a brand. 211 00:08:46,408 --> 00:08:48,685 - aw. 212 00:08:48,708 --> 00:08:50,984 You poor thing. - yeah. 213 00:08:51,006 --> 00:08:52,771 - so... 214 00:08:52,795 --> 00:08:54,113 Here we are... 215 00:08:54,136 --> 00:08:57,403 Honey. 216 00:08:57,426 --> 00:09:00,659 - when I touch you, I sense Every woman in the room 217 00:09:00,682 --> 00:09:02,959 Wondering why I'm not touching her. 218 00:09:02,982 --> 00:09:06,919 More sex For future rick. 219 00:09:06,941 --> 00:09:08,419 Ah, speaking of which... 220 00:09:08,442 --> 00:09:10,911 - hey, you guys. How's my favorite couple? 221 00:09:10,934 --> 00:09:13,593 - oh, you know, Just coupling out. 222 00:09:13,616 --> 00:09:15,029 - ohh. 223 00:09:15,053 --> 00:09:16,914 So I spoke To a friend of mine at I.N.S., 224 00:09:16,936 --> 00:09:18,224 And I think It's looking good. 225 00:09:18,247 --> 00:09:20,683 - oh, god. What a relief! 226 00:09:20,705 --> 00:09:22,918 I can't wait For this to be over. 227 00:09:22,941 --> 00:09:25,185 This ordeal, I mean. 228 00:09:25,208 --> 00:09:28,494 It's... It's been so hard On me and my... 229 00:09:30,030 --> 00:09:31,955 Lord shackleton. 230 00:09:31,978 --> 00:09:33,168 - who? 231 00:09:33,191 --> 00:09:34,702 - it's her Pet name for me. 232 00:09:34,724 --> 00:09:38,438 he was captain Of the endurance. 233 00:09:38,460 --> 00:09:39,810 But don't worry about me. 234 00:09:39,833 --> 00:09:41,472 I would go through anything 235 00:09:41,495 --> 00:09:43,963 For the sake Of the woman I love. 236 00:09:43,986 --> 00:09:46,580 - joy, you have got quite The romantic on your hands. 237 00:09:46,603 --> 00:09:48,305 - and you don't have a drink In yours. 238 00:09:48,328 --> 00:09:51,562 Shall I remedy that? - well, I would love that. 239 00:09:51,585 --> 00:09:53,064 So charming. 240 00:09:53,087 --> 00:09:55,011 - yes, he's full of it... 241 00:09:55,034 --> 00:09:56,565 Charm. 242 00:10:00,239 --> 00:10:01,590 - hi. - hey. 243 00:10:01,613 --> 00:10:02,867 - how's it going With pete's mum? 244 00:10:02,890 --> 00:10:03,920 - oh, she hates me. 245 00:10:03,944 --> 00:10:05,486 But she hates Everyone from l.A. 246 00:10:05,509 --> 00:10:06,955 Thinks we're all gold diggers. - hmm. 247 00:10:06,978 --> 00:10:08,999 Fortunately, Here's victoria 248 00:10:09,022 --> 00:10:12,159 To put her fears to rest. 249 00:10:12,183 --> 00:10:16,620 - hurry up, oscar. He's not getting any lighter. 250 00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:19,729 All right, my captain. 251 00:10:19,751 --> 00:10:24,262 We have arrived. 252 00:10:24,286 --> 00:10:27,093 Just go... Go park him Over there. 253 00:10:30,928 --> 00:10:32,725 - you carried That helpless old man in? 254 00:10:32,748 --> 00:10:35,184 - I mean, seriously. He's, like, 110. 255 00:10:35,207 --> 00:10:38,889 - oh, please. That's not for months. 256 00:10:38,911 --> 00:10:40,358 So how is it going With pete's mom? 257 00:10:40,380 --> 00:10:41,986 Which one is she? - she's the one over there 258 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:44,317 With a stick up her ass. 259 00:10:44,340 --> 00:10:47,191 Father ned. 260 00:10:48,524 --> 00:10:50,416 - elka? 261 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,110 - elka! This is perfect. 262 00:10:52,133 --> 00:10:53,610 You can help me With pete's mom. 263 00:10:53,633 --> 00:10:55,143 You're polish. She's polish. 264 00:10:55,165 --> 00:10:56,708 You can kiss up to her In polish. 265 00:10:56,731 --> 00:10:58,209 Stay right here. 266 00:10:58,232 --> 00:11:00,860 - I thought that You weren't coming. 267 00:11:00,883 --> 00:11:03,159 - well, I ran out of vodka. 268 00:11:03,182 --> 00:11:04,788 And, uh, I thought I'd come over here 269 00:11:04,811 --> 00:11:06,352 And freshen up my drunk. 270 00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:07,534 - hmm. 271 00:11:07,556 --> 00:11:09,034 - we had a full bottle. 272 00:11:09,057 --> 00:11:11,206 - I spilled some... 273 00:11:11,229 --> 00:11:12,675 In my mouth. 274 00:11:16,913 --> 00:11:18,743 Oh, too slow. 275 00:11:18,766 --> 00:11:20,276 - joy, Come meet my boyfriend. 276 00:11:20,299 --> 00:11:23,820 But hands off... He's brittle. 277 00:11:23,843 --> 00:11:25,256 - elka, elka. 278 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,493 Mrs. Szymborska, I would like you to meet 279 00:11:27,516 --> 00:11:28,610 A friend of mine. 280 00:11:28,633 --> 00:11:30,589 This is elka ostrovsky... 281 00:11:30,612 --> 00:11:32,378 Also polish. 282 00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:34,838 - so you think because We're both from poland, 283 00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,275 We're going To like each other. 284 00:11:36,297 --> 00:11:37,870 Yeah, well, kind of. 285 00:11:37,894 --> 00:11:39,786 Say something nice. 286 00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:50,357 - and that goes Double for me. 287 00:11:50,381 --> 00:11:53,838 - ooh, I think That's for me. 288 00:11:53,861 --> 00:11:55,562 - oh, my god. 289 00:11:55,585 --> 00:11:57,606 Joy, look Who just walked in. 290 00:11:57,629 --> 00:11:59,682 - well, I ran out of vodka At the house. 291 00:11:59,705 --> 00:12:00,832 - no, we already know that. 292 00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:03,099 No, I-I'm talking about him. 293 00:12:03,121 --> 00:12:05,238 - it's hank. This is terrible. 294 00:12:05,261 --> 00:12:08,496 - he looks All right to me. 295 00:12:08,518 --> 00:12:10,476 - no, hank's the plumber Melanie slept with 296 00:12:10,499 --> 00:12:11,657 The first day We were here. 297 00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:13,669 - yeah, the one who Turned out to be married. 298 00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:14,882 Now, we've gotta Warn melanie. 299 00:12:14,905 --> 00:12:16,416 - but she's with pete. 300 00:12:16,438 --> 00:12:17,692 - well, I guess Our only choice is 301 00:12:17,715 --> 00:12:20,662 To just stay here And stare at hank... 302 00:12:20,684 --> 00:12:24,398 And imagine what He looks like naked. 303 00:12:24,422 --> 00:12:28,412 - I'm way ahead of you. 304 00:12:30,106 --> 00:12:33,053 - finally, henry's here! - mama. 305 00:12:33,076 --> 00:12:34,011 Both: mwah, mwah! 306 00:12:34,034 --> 00:12:35,756 - hank! Hey, bro. 307 00:12:41,411 --> 00:12:43,655 - ha ha ha! Hank... 308 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:44,901 Is your brother? 309 00:12:44,923 --> 00:12:46,146 - yeah, that's right. 310 00:12:46,169 --> 00:12:47,646 I've been waiting For this forever. 311 00:12:47,669 --> 00:12:50,478 Secondhand pete No more. 312 00:12:56,611 --> 00:12:58,569 - hank, say hello To my girlfriend, melanie. 313 00:12:58,591 --> 00:13:00,740 - nice to meet you, melanie. 314 00:13:00,762 --> 00:13:02,880 - yes, likewise. 315 00:13:02,903 --> 00:13:04,092 Hank, was it? 316 00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:05,594 - yeah. 317 00:13:05,617 --> 00:13:07,319 - honey, would you freshen My drink? 318 00:13:07,342 --> 00:13:09,266 - it's full. 319 00:13:09,290 --> 00:13:13,481 - but it's not fresh. 320 00:13:13,504 --> 00:13:15,748 Okay, listen... 321 00:13:15,771 --> 00:13:17,250 Before you say anything, Let's agree. 322 00:13:17,273 --> 00:13:19,229 It never happened. We don't know each other. 323 00:13:19,252 --> 00:13:20,315 We're complete strangers. 324 00:13:20,337 --> 00:13:22,934 - my god, You're beautiful. 325 00:13:22,957 --> 00:13:24,595 - you're married. I'm dating your brother. 326 00:13:24,618 --> 00:13:25,968 Why would you say that? 327 00:13:25,991 --> 00:13:27,596 - because I have not stopped Thinking about you 328 00:13:27,619 --> 00:13:29,161 Since that night On the boat. 329 00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:31,620 I know it's wrong, And I-I love my brother. 330 00:13:31,643 --> 00:13:35,036 But it doesn't change The way I feel. 331 00:13:35,059 --> 00:13:37,368 - yeah, b-but I-I don't feel That way about you. 332 00:13:37,392 --> 00:13:39,858 - I don't believe you. 333 00:13:39,882 --> 00:13:41,264 Meet me outside for a kiss. Come on. 334 00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:43,084 - are you crazy? 335 00:13:43,107 --> 00:13:44,681 - look, if you Don't feel anything, 336 00:13:44,704 --> 00:13:45,798 Fine, I'll move on. 337 00:13:45,821 --> 00:13:47,076 But if there's So much as a spark, 338 00:13:47,099 --> 00:13:49,503 I'm gonna keep after you Till you're mine. 339 00:13:49,526 --> 00:13:51,162 - ohh. 340 00:13:51,186 --> 00:13:53,047 Oh! 341 00:13:53,070 --> 00:13:54,453 - what happened? Are you okay? 342 00:13:54,476 --> 00:13:55,762 - no, I feel like I'm 343 00:13:55,784 --> 00:13:57,423 in one of victoria's Edge of tomorrows. 344 00:13:57,446 --> 00:14:00,552 - well, honor st. Raven Did have a situation like this, 345 00:14:00,574 --> 00:14:01,829 But it wasn't the same, 346 00:14:01,852 --> 00:14:05,247 Because hank Isn't a reanimated corpse. 347 00:14:05,270 --> 00:14:07,503 - like your date. 348 00:14:13,541 --> 00:14:14,986 - you know, The worst part is... 349 00:14:15,009 --> 00:14:16,998 Pete just wants To rub me in hank's face. 350 00:14:17,021 --> 00:14:19,829 - I thought you already Did that on his boat. 351 00:14:26,187 --> 00:14:28,080 - hank wants me To meet him outside 352 00:14:28,103 --> 00:14:29,931 So he can kiss me, See if there's still a spark. 353 00:14:29,954 --> 00:14:31,177 - that's a terrible idea. 354 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:34,083 - do it. He's hot. 355 00:14:34,105 --> 00:14:36,606 - I am gonna do it, But not because he's hot, 356 00:14:36,629 --> 00:14:38,585 Because he promised If I felt nothing, 357 00:14:38,608 --> 00:14:40,021 Then he would just Leave me alone. 358 00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:42,577 I wish I could burp up Some sausage. 359 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:45,547 - mm. 360 00:14:45,570 --> 00:14:48,262 - what a beautiful ring You gave her. 361 00:14:48,285 --> 00:14:50,720 - well, a beautiful hand 362 00:14:50,742 --> 00:14:53,275 Deserves a beautiful ring. 363 00:14:53,298 --> 00:14:55,191 - ellen, would you excuse us For a moment? 364 00:14:55,214 --> 00:14:56,851 - sure. 365 00:14:56,875 --> 00:14:58,193 He's quite a keeper. 366 00:14:58,216 --> 00:15:01,663 - of course, some wild things Can't be kept. 367 00:15:03,740 --> 00:15:05,251 - will you stop flirting With our lawyer? 368 00:15:05,274 --> 00:15:06,719 You're gonna ruin The whole thing. 369 00:15:06,742 --> 00:15:08,317 - I'm just warming Her up for later. 370 00:15:08,339 --> 00:15:10,678 - you're overcooking her. 371 00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:13,350 - don't blame the fire For being hot. 372 00:15:17,089 --> 00:15:19,621 - okay, come on, Let's get this over with. 373 00:15:19,644 --> 00:15:22,335 Okay, if I don't feel anything, You promise to drop it, right? 374 00:15:22,357 --> 00:15:24,240 - I promise. - okay. 375 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,574 - yeah, sorry. Nothing. 376 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,331 - hey, melanie. 377 00:15:32,354 --> 00:15:34,023 Please. - you promised, hank. 378 00:15:34,046 --> 00:15:35,332 - honey! - don't call me "Honey." 379 00:15:35,355 --> 00:15:37,824 - hi, honey. - honey! 380 00:15:37,847 --> 00:15:39,356 You must be honey. 381 00:15:39,379 --> 00:15:40,601 - hi. - hi. 382 00:15:40,624 --> 00:15:42,326 - well, good. You were able To make it after all. 383 00:15:42,349 --> 00:15:43,411 - yeah. 384 00:15:43,434 --> 00:15:44,785 - uh, melanie, This is my wife, linda. 385 00:15:44,808 --> 00:15:47,818 Linda, this is melanie. Melanie is pete's girlfriend. 386 00:15:47,841 --> 00:15:50,118 - oh, nice to meet you. - so nice to meet you too. 387 00:15:50,141 --> 00:15:51,363 Yeah, hank Was just making sure 388 00:15:51,386 --> 00:15:53,119 That I'm the right girl For his baby brother. 389 00:15:53,142 --> 00:15:54,908 And I hope now you have proof 390 00:15:54,931 --> 00:15:56,824 That pete Is the only man for me. 391 00:15:56,847 --> 00:15:59,506 - oh, well, Pete's a great guy. 392 00:15:59,528 --> 00:16:00,591 So that's good to hear. 393 00:16:00,614 --> 00:16:02,220 - yeah, yeah. I'm lucky to have him. 394 00:16:02,243 --> 00:16:03,370 - hmm. - as you two 395 00:16:03,393 --> 00:16:04,999 Are lucky To have each other, 396 00:16:05,021 --> 00:16:06,116 You know, 'cause as the kids say, 397 00:16:06,140 --> 00:16:07,427 "Love is da bomb." 398 00:16:07,450 --> 00:16:09,343 Do kids still say that? 399 00:16:09,366 --> 00:16:11,609 Discuss. Gotta go. 400 00:16:11,632 --> 00:16:13,653 - your date Doesn't look so hot. 401 00:16:13,676 --> 00:16:14,962 - oh, don't be ridiculous. 402 00:16:14,985 --> 00:16:18,187 Winston is an extremely Handsome and dapper man 403 00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:21,030 Without Any living heirs. 404 00:16:21,052 --> 00:16:24,352 - no, I mean, He's not looking so alive. 405 00:16:24,374 --> 00:16:26,458 Oh, I'm just a little tired. 406 00:16:26,482 --> 00:16:27,864 Oh, elka, can't you see 407 00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:30,131 That he just needs to rest? 408 00:16:30,154 --> 00:16:33,388 - I saw your lips move. 409 00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:35,783 Darling, Your friend smells like a still. 410 00:16:35,806 --> 00:16:38,050 Oh, winston. You behave yourself. 411 00:16:38,074 --> 00:16:40,701 Ooh, diamond encrusted. 412 00:16:40,723 --> 00:16:42,554 - what's this note? 413 00:16:42,576 --> 00:16:45,715 "On the website, You looked younger. 414 00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:48,450 Take me home." 415 00:16:55,254 --> 00:16:57,818 - that's my pete! That's my boyfriend! 416 00:16:57,841 --> 00:17:00,181 - wow, I should play darts More often. 417 00:17:00,204 --> 00:17:01,746 - climb down from him! 418 00:17:01,769 --> 00:17:04,577 You're not at work, And he is not a pole. 419 00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:10,655 - well, actually he is a pole. You're all poles. 420 00:17:13,298 --> 00:17:14,615 Yeah, nothing? 421 00:17:14,638 --> 00:17:16,276 I give up. 422 00:17:16,299 --> 00:17:17,457 - your brother... 423 00:17:17,479 --> 00:17:19,086 You would not see him With a girl like this. 424 00:17:19,109 --> 00:17:20,874 - no, you know, mom, 425 00:17:20,897 --> 00:17:22,375 Hank's had a lot Of things before me 426 00:17:22,398 --> 00:17:24,227 And better than me, But not melanie. 427 00:17:24,250 --> 00:17:27,612 Um, excuse me, everybody. 428 00:17:27,635 --> 00:17:30,805 I'd like To make a toast. 429 00:17:30,828 --> 00:17:34,159 Tonight I feel like The luckiest guy in the world, 430 00:17:34,182 --> 00:17:36,457 Having this wonderful Woman by my side, 431 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,534 And, uh... 432 00:17:38,556 --> 00:17:39,684 To melanie. 433 00:17:39,706 --> 00:17:41,791 - wait. 434 00:17:41,814 --> 00:17:43,451 Before we drink, 435 00:17:43,475 --> 00:17:46,995 I need to say something About melanie too. 436 00:17:47,018 --> 00:17:48,911 The truth is... - is so overrated. 437 00:17:48,934 --> 00:17:52,936 Bottoms up, everybody! Ha ha! 438 00:17:52,959 --> 00:17:54,852 - I'm so happy That my little brother 439 00:17:54,875 --> 00:17:58,173 Has met a wonderful woman Who is crazy about him. 440 00:17:58,196 --> 00:17:59,131 To them. 441 00:17:59,154 --> 00:18:01,270 - na zdrowie. 442 00:18:01,293 --> 00:18:02,963 - I thought you Were gonna tell everyone 443 00:18:02,986 --> 00:18:05,008 How you two hooked up On your boat 444 00:18:05,031 --> 00:18:07,839 The first night She got here. 445 00:18:18,602 --> 00:18:20,718 - well, now we know There are 15 ways 446 00:18:20,742 --> 00:18:22,763 To say "Whore" in polish. 447 00:18:22,786 --> 00:18:26,275 - such A beautiful language. 448 00:18:26,298 --> 00:18:28,766 - and no more pete. 449 00:18:28,789 --> 00:18:30,394 I guess there's Just no coming back from, 450 00:18:30,418 --> 00:18:32,310 "I slept With your brother." 451 00:18:32,334 --> 00:18:34,131 - I am so sorry, melanie. 452 00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:35,376 - elka, it's okay. 453 00:18:35,399 --> 00:18:37,228 Pete would have found out Eventually. 454 00:18:37,251 --> 00:18:39,337 So I guess I lost a boyfriend. 455 00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:40,645 - well, At least you didn't lose 456 00:18:40,668 --> 00:18:42,818 A fiance to an I.N.S. Lawyer. 457 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:47,128 And I lost the chance At a quick green card. 458 00:18:47,151 --> 00:18:49,426 Still, better The long arm of the law 459 00:18:49,449 --> 00:18:52,269 Than the clammy hands Of the rick. 460 00:18:52,292 --> 00:18:55,016 I think he sprained my finger Pulling that ring off. 461 00:18:55,039 --> 00:18:57,538 - you two lost men. I lost my mind. 462 00:18:57,562 --> 00:18:59,007 I mean, If I'd married him, 463 00:18:59,030 --> 00:19:01,018 I wouldn't be able to look At myself in the mirror. 464 00:19:01,042 --> 00:19:04,916 And who am I if I can't look At myself in the mirror? 465 00:19:04,939 --> 00:19:07,821 - so we're four single girls On a saturday night. 466 00:19:09,217 --> 00:19:10,280 - victoria! 467 00:19:10,303 --> 00:19:11,653 - wait. That's not me. 468 00:19:11,676 --> 00:19:13,154 - it's me. 469 00:19:13,177 --> 00:19:17,211 I sent in a slightly younger Picture of myself. 470 00:19:17,233 --> 00:19:20,360 - a cave drawing? 471 00:19:26,653 --> 00:19:28,898 - I signed up When my bender was over. 472 00:19:28,921 --> 00:19:30,718 In fact, That's my screen name... 473 00:19:30,741 --> 00:19:33,485 "Bender over."